This is an updated post from our archives. Supporting a loved one diagnosed with a terminal illness is profoundly challenging. This article offers guidance on providing emotional support, managing necessary tasks, and navigating end-of-life planning to help you through this difficult time.
You’ve just experienced the worst thing you’ll likely ever experience. Your loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. As if the news in and of itself wasn’t enough to crush you, there are decisions to be made. You not only need to be there for this person in an emotional sense but you’re also tasked with making plans for what happens when the inevitable occurs. Balancing these two things can be extremely challenging, but this blog post can help. Read on for tips on how to proceed when someone you love has been told they have a terminal illness.
Quick Support Checklist
- Be Present: Offer consistent emotional support.
- Communicate Openly: Discuss wishes and plans honestly.
- Organize Affairs: Assist with legal and financial preparations.
- Seek Professional Help: Engage with healthcare providers and support groups.
- Self-Care: Ensure you also attend to your own well-being.
Show Up
This is the first step. You might not want to face it, you might want to stay under the covers for days or even weeks instead of dealing with your new normal. Sadly, it’s not going away, and denial certainly isn’t going to lower your stress level either. Your loved one needs to know that you’re going to show up no matter how hard it is to do so.
When it comes to emotional support, take cues from your loved one. As much as you shouldn’t pretend this isn’t reality, you also don’t want to overwhelm him or her on days when she might not be up to the tasks at hand. Perhaps there will be some days when your loved one will just want to sleep, and that’s fine, too. You need to consider this person’s physical state on top of everything else. If you notice they’re having a good day, perhaps this is when you might want to ask the tough questions (if you haven’t done so already). What does she envision for her funeral? Are the necessary arrangements made? Does he have a will? You might already know these things but, if not, they are questions that need to be asked at one point or another.
Knock out the Necessary Tasks
You likely don’t want to broach the subject of a funeral right away if they’ve been given a few years to live, but once you deem it is appropriate, you need to help them take care of the arrangements. As Kelly Harvey, MS, PT, CHHC, says of wills and other estate matters, “Keep it all in a folder, with an agenda sheet in front, to allow the patient to review the documents at their comfort, if possible.” Find out what your budget is and act accordingly. Hopefully your loved one has thought to combat high burial costs with burial insurance. If this person has unfortunately left his fate to chance and is risking a huge financial crisis, you might consider running a GoFundMe crowdsourcing campaign to help handle funeral costs.
Divide and Conquer the Tasks at Hand
They might not feel physically terrible right away but they’ll surely get there at some point. Physical pain and exhaustion will prevent him from getting the necessary chores done around the house. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from others to help your loved one. Ask family members and friends to assist with what needs to get done, and consider even setting up a calendar so each person knows what to do on what day. You might also want to send out a Meal Train announcement. This site helps people organize a schedule for delivering meals to a person in need. It’s a fantastic resource, as it’s user-friendly and even allows you to specify what this person can and can’t eat. There’s a good chance that your terminally ill loved one will have quite a few dietary restrictions moving forward.
Finding out a loved one is terminally ill is a huge blow but with a bit of help, organization, and an abundant amount of compassion, you’ll be prepared to offer all they need in their final days.
Additional Support Resources
When facing a loved one’s terminal illness, it’s essential to seek support for both them and yourself. Here are some resources that can provide assistance:
- Marie Curie Support Line: Offers practical and emotional support for those dealing with terminal illness. Call 0800 090 2309 or visit Marie Curie Support.
- Macmillan Cancer Support: Provides comprehensive resources for cancer patients and their families. More information at Macmillan Cancer Support.
- Cruse Bereavement Support: Offers support for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Access their services at Cruse Bereavement Support.
- Carers UK: A resource for those caring for loved ones, offering advice and support. Visit Carers UK for more information.
- Pallative care: refer to the National Health Service (NHS) information on palliative care: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-life-care/
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength. These organizations are here to support you during this challenging time.
Originally posted on 27/10/2016 @ 9:00 pm
