In our series on disability, sex and relationships, expert and resident agony aunt Tuppy (who runs Outsiders – a private club for disabled people looking for a relationship) answers your questions. This week, rampant holiday abroad.
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Dear Aunty Tuppy,
I am a wheelchair user and want to have a rampant holiday abroad – one where there will be willing lassies and I can get laid (not having to pay them). I am wondering where to go and how to go about it? I am not afraid to go alone or I could take a friend or a PA with me. I’ve never done this before, so can you advise?
Martin
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Dear Martin,
Attitudes to disabled people actually being sexual people are fairly rubbish in many countries, so generally I would recommend you go in a group of British people to a place where there are lots of Brits to meet.
I am thinking of Club 18-30, Solo Club or a specialist holiday such as Innovation in the Sun, a drum ‘n’ base holiday in an accessible club, or holidays where you can learn a language, yoga, painting, sailing or cookery. I’ve heard everyone gets laid at Lourdes!
Cruises are a great way to explore various countries and there are lots of singles cruises with accessibility. They generally stop at various ports so you see some local flavour.
If you want to find accessible holidays abroad, look up Accessible Travel and Leisure.
You may well prefer to go somewhere without hordes of other British people, so learn about their attitudes to disability before you go. There is only one place on earth which I think matches the UK in its acceptance of disabled people as sexual partners, and that is Berkeley, California. A sexuality and disability centre was set up nearby and iconic characters such as Mark O’Brien and Frank Moore were active there, it sounds pretty good fun.
America and Australia are places where the women fall for the English accent (unless you have a very broad local accent which they cannot understand). This is pretty important as most men find it difficult to get laid just like that, so something which makes women melt is a huge bonus.
If you use Tinder, there are usually locals on Tinder abroad who use it to meet British people in order to practice their English. This is obviously a great way to meet local women wherever you go, although in some countries getting accepted as a lover may not be easy, because you are obviously disabled,
In Spain they actually have a law against supporting disabled people to enjoy sex – based on the notion that they might not be able to consent! As a result, a rebellious disability group in Barcelona calling themselves Yes We Fuck has emerged. You might want to go and support them for your holiday!
In Italy, disabled people are not considered sexual and in Portugal they haven’t even thought about it. In Switzerland, France and Germany, disabled people have trained sexual assistants to give them orgasms. I have just returned from a holiday with a wheelchair user in Sicily and noticed that, although people were keen to help her mount pavements etc., there was no sexual interest in her, which was quite different from when she’s out and about in London. I found very little useful information on accessible venues to stay in, and it was only at the end of the week we found the totally beautiful and accessible hotel Villa Enrica on Lipari island, quiet but near the town centre. I am trying to say, mainland Europe on your own might be a no-go for you on many levels.
What about the rest of the world? If you have a foreskin you may be popular with the women in Israel, who will gleefully play with it with their fingers (but remember to put the condom on before anything else happens). Ladies in the Far East might find you fascinating but if you are somewhere like Phuket in Thailand, be prepared for her to ask for a fee.
A Swedish volunteer in Mozambique was once quoted as saying, “It is often in the developing world that disabled people are actually more integrated and happier in society. Western society is so obsessed with beauty and physical perfection that even an overweight person feels ostracised, let alone a person missing an entire limb. Here, having one leg is no more remarkable than having a big nose”.
In my experience, travelling alone is really much better for getting laid. You are free to do as you please and won’t be obliged to go back to the hotel or whatever because your companion is tired. People are more likely to talk to you and make friends. And you are your own boss. You need to be confident to do this and remember, keep safe, keep healthy and come home shagged out with a big smile on your face.
By Tuppy Owens
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