The autistic spectrum is wide and varied, so people can experience different types of problems. Some cannot stand eye contact, while others need a lot more time to process everyday information and make decisions. But none of these things mean that people with autism can’t date, love and be loved. In order to help understand what dating with high-functioning autism is really like, Asperger’s Dating shares some basic guidelines.
There is a common misconception that people on the autistic spectrum only want to date others who are also on the spectrum. This simply isn’t true.
Like everyone else, they just want to find someone who will understand them and love them for who we are, symptoms and all.
Being accepted is the best possible feeling, especially as autism doesn’t change – it’s part of who someone is. So knowing that we are loved and in a stable relationship means a lot.
If we want to be alone, it doesn’t mean we don’t like you
This can be one of the most difficult things to explain to a partner. A lot of people with high-functioning autism can be interpreted as introverts. Too much interaction with the outside world can at times be quite overwhelming.
So, if someone with autism asks to be alone at times, or they pull back, don’t get offended – it is nothing you did. It is just what they need to do at that particular time.
This can be hard to understand for someone who has not experienced such emotions. Often people feel like it’s their fault, or that they should help in some way, shape or form.
But you need to let someone with autism go through this so that they can feel more comfortable later on.
Yes, eye contact can be difficult at times
When you have a partner who is avoiding eye contact, you might think that they have something to hide or are feeling guilty. Well, if someone has some form of high-functioning autism, avoiding eye contact from time-to-time can be one of the symptoms, as are difficulties with communication.
This is why you need to be open and honest and try to communicate what you are feeling as much as possible. That way there will be no misunderstandings and miscommunications.
We don’t have control of everything we do
Since autism is a spectrum disorder, there are different levels, and one of the syndromes that appear on the spectrum is Asperger’s. This particular form is characterised by restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviour and interests. Also, people with this syndrome tend to focus on a narrow field of interest.
It can be difficult to understand why someone is repeating certain actions over and over again, or why they can solve a complicated math problem while they have difficulties deciding what brand of cereal they want to buy. But those are just some of the symptoms that people with this particular syndrome face.
So, if you care about someone with Asperger’s, it is something that you will get used to, especially if you know that they have no control over it.
It is important to be patient when dating someone with high-functioning autism
Making decisions on the spot, even the simplest ones, like which restaurant to go to, can be difficult if someone is on the autistic spectrum.
The common interaction that you have when you meet someone is not always possible – it takes a bit more time to open up and be comfortable about it.
Some people with autism use a glass of wine to loosen up if a date takes place in a bar, while others prefer to keep communication online for longer.
In addition, some common social cues, such as flirting, might not be obvious to someone who is on this spectrum, so it is far better to be upfront and open for both of you.
Finally, make sure that you’re both always on the same page, especially when it comes to more intimate interaction. As we have mentioned, people with autism tend not to be great at social skills, so you might need to tell then how slow or fast you want the relationship to go.
By Asperger’s Dating
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